My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
