We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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