When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I AM VODKA MAN
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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