We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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