And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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