I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
