shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
