Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
