i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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