His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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