So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
