im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
