Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
