just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
