i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
