"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
