Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
