Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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