She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
