i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
