I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wear drunk well.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
