Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
