I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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