you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
