FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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