I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
