brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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