This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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