Do vagina's smell?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
