I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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