fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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