help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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