Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
