Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
