it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
