For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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