i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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