i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I smell like Dick and happiness
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
