oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
