True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
