bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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