i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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