im drinking this country out of the recession.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
