you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
just found out that she named her cat after me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
