Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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