Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
