Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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