so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
