Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
