Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize