She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
