The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
