I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
