Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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