remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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