Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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