I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
