oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
