Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
