I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
vagina is talking i cant
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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