Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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