I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude i'm inner monologue high
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
