Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
