he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
