Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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