remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
someone owes me an orgasm
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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