If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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