ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
