I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
