i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize