dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
