i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
