Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
