stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize