the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
