It's like God shit irony all over that family
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
