Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
