you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
