mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
