I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize