Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
