HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I checked into jail on foursquare
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
